Today is Ayrianna’s birthday…. She is 2. Her first birthday without you…. Fuck i miss you. Don’t worry though, she will be well taken care of.
I don’t really sleep because I dream about him when I do. In my dream, or nightmare I should say, he is drowning and I can’t get to him. I’m fucking mental smh… Hopefully I shall get over that in the next 7 months.
I leave my computer for a day and the world has gone insane. Fuck #yolo and fuck #kony. I don’t need trending topics to tell me what to care about. Let’s talk some real shit about Native Americans without shoes and the mentally handicap forced into homelessness in our own country. People are starving in our own country, The United States bombs foreign countries every day, this all is all not new. This is all coming from a country that lied to it’s own citizens to go to war and still celebrates Thanksgiving. Caring when it is convenient is not caring. TURN YOUR TELEVISION OFF AND READ A BOOK.
Something that has frequently peeved me on my campus is the subset of pretend activists. By that I mean those who pick up the cause of the moment and fight it extremely hard, just to pick up a new cause next week without affecting change. I try to avoid those personality types because I find them to be useless people. As well as what I call hyper activist. Those are people who need to be fighting a cause always because they have nothing better to do. I’m only thinking about it now because there is a small subset of these types on campus, but they are very vocal. The loud minority, kind of like tea partiers . I don’t consider myself an activist at all, but I am very firm in my opinions and have the right to be. What is important to me is important to me and just as heavily as your bullshit causes affect you, mine affect me. I’d rather advocate for mental health rights than women’s right because that is more important to me. So quit trying to shove your cause down my throat or telling me that I am less of what I identify as because I don’t agree with you.
a little over a week since I talked to my ex… and i realized that I have made him a bigger part of my life than he should be afforded… smh fail on my part. Trying to correct that now… if only I can control the impulse to want to call him smh.
to take a break from social networking. So twitter deactivated and facebook login changed. I’ll go back to the world of social networking eventually, but for now… tumblr ^_^
I NEED to listen to the new KRIT tape asap!!!! I’ve been a krit fan for a min now… that and phony ppl and the new Cole and new Wale and any new Jean Grae… a good year musically for me thus far… o and I can’t forget Shinedown (new alt band love <3)
I think I am falling back in love with hip hop.
So I have finally arrived at the decision that I should’ve made ages ago… I am taking time off of school to get my life together.
Sigh of Relief
Why was that so hard to do. I will either graduate in December (if I get medically cleared to come back) or in January. So we shall see.
I am committing the next 7 months to learning better affect regulation and putting myself first.
Also random side note… Tomorrow is Ayrianna’s 2nd birthday and her first bday without Josh…. Le sigh.
This thing is far more mental. I’m trapped within my own mind. Leaving home becomes difficult, the only thing I want to do is sleep. All day. I want to just stay in and sleep.