It’s happening again…. those stupid feelings of emptiness wen he left my world the first time around… and once again it’s out of the blue…. I’m not really sure what to do other than start trying to pick up the pieces…. there are just so many of them this time that I’m not really sure where to begin… I feel empty…. Why do I let myself love so completely….. it’s really not healthy. I know it doesn’t happen often, but the way this is feeling now, I shouldn’t let it happen… EVER. Fuck….. I wish he would disappear… like from existence…. why reenter just to cause the exact same destruction… and after I was so sure that I was completely over it too…. and to wait for me to admit everything I hadn’t the first time… and for him to be more open than the first time around too….it’s not fair… in a parallel universe it would work, but in this one, it won’t…. And that is what’s really sad… No matter how much I want it to work, no matter how happy I am or how complete I feel when we are together, it won’t work… because we are separated by time, ambitions, distance, family, race, drives, wants, and needs…. The funny thing is I don’t care about any of it (well not enough to let it stop me) and what I feel I need is him… uggh i hate him so much…. I wish he would disappear.
How do you stop yourself from falling hard and fast for the one you never really got over…. That’s the question that is ruling my brain right now….
More on this later when I’m not supposed to be doing French homework… ^__^