i’m back to wishing u would disappear from the face of the earth…. ugggghhhh
I just watched a homeless man freeze to death on a grate in NYC….. I am writing here because I am alone right now and I can’t deal with what I just saw until I get it down somewhere…
I was walking home from studying and saw him seizing on the grate. I called 911 and the operator rather than just listening to me, yelled with an attitude as I explained what I saw…. The ambulance took approximately 25 minutes to get there… Which is insane because we were across the street (literally) from St. Luke’s hospital. When they finally did arrive, they moved very fucking slowly. They spent more time putting on their fucking gloves and laughing with each other than they did helping this man. In the 25 minutes, he seized twice before going completely still…. he wasn’t responsive at all by the time they got there….. And I was too much of a fucking coward to even touch this man….
What the hell is wrong with me, that I can watch a man freeze to fucking death on a grate and not have the decency to take my coat off and put it over him… nor check his vital signs…. I stood there like I was fucking frozen….. All I did was call out like that was going to be of help……
And people just walked by…. no one stopped…. he was probably on that grate for hours….. Fuck….. What kind of fucking world do I live in….
It’s kind of sad that I use my tumblr as a mini diary because the only people that read it are strangers (even though I have friends that follow me… i assume that they don’t do the go back and find old posts thing) and I don’t have to admit to friends how much I am actually struggling, but I still like putting it out into the universe somewhere….. smh that’s weird right.
So I’ve been planning things out for next semester…. It is my last semester of undergrad (hopefully smh) and I want it to be epic. More than epic, I want it to line up shit for what I plan on doing. I am 100% serious about owning my own production company. I can’t half ass do it and it be some low budget thing either. I want to be able to make the movies I want on a Tyler Perry level. So for the first time, I am going to be shooting my ass off for an entire semester. Idk how I am going to do this, intern, work, school, and bartend, but I will. O and I can’t forget actually go out with my friends, DUHHH. Anyhoo, since the TFA thing didn’t work out, I am taking that as a sign in my crossroad of interests for now to turn left onto the film road instead of right onto the psych road. Now the only thing is to actually make money doing this so I can live. O and pay off these bills smh. I have a mini savings account again (very micro), but I NEED to pay off these credit cards. Hopefully this winter will be when that gets done. SMH at myself for going on spend crazy when I was under that manic influence SMH O and a random other note…. I am on a new combo of things that have the weirdest affect. One makes me restless while the other makes me sleep and I am supposed to avoid all alcohol while on both, fat chance of that happening lol. Toodles for now. ^___^
But I love some of these!!! Since I don’t do fb albums nor twitter… what better place for them than my tumblr ^_^
Thanks to Sade for the afro love shoot <3